Being Controlling….Can Actually Be Good?

Being Controlling….Can Actually Be Good?

“I don’t have all the answers.”

That one saying is what I am starting this new year off with. Previously, believing that I had all the answers to everything in life went hand-in-hand with my compulsive need to control the outcome of every situation in which I was/am involved.

See, the main issue with people that have a desire to control everything is that this tendency can lead one to believe that others can also be controlled. Any situation where other people are clearly in charge is a situation where you need to concentrate on one thing (yes, JUST one): controlling your individual approach. Let’s use the very simple example of applying for jobs as an illustration:

Let’s say that Jan has applied to countless jobs and had a few interviews during this process. Her job search began about three months ago, but she still has not landed a job. Now, Jan has a few options that she can take right now:

1) work herself into a frenzy worrying about her future due to employers not hiring her;

2) give up, because apparently she is not good enough to be hired by a reputable employer anyway; OR

3) figure out that if she has applied to this many positions, and no one has hired her, then she is doing something wrong – and adjust accordingly.

What should Jan do? Well, if she went with Option #1, it would be of little benefit because worrying isn’t going to bring her a job any quicker than if she found a way to relax.If she chose Option #2, well, she just won’t have a job and she won’t be able to meet her basic needs; let’s hope that she doesn’t choose that one.Option #3……well, I prefer this one. Here’s why:

Option #3 keeps Jan in the driver’s seat of her life. It allows her to not become depressed from over-indulgence in a pity-party of one. It allows her to see that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If one does nothing, then they will get no response. Similarly, if one takes the “wrong” action, then one will receive the “wrong” response. Jan can apply to as many jobs as she can, but if she is going about it in the wrong way, then she will not receive the desired result – securing employment.

Maybe it’s Jan’s resume that needs to be tweaked. Maybe Jan needs to network more (or, utilize her existing network more effectively). It could also be this: Jan has a stellar resume and great professional contacts, but she’s applying for positions that really aren’t a good fit for her talents. She could be applying for the correct types of positions, but in the wrong locations. Jan might even need to become a business owner and run her own business…….

Get the picture? If one continues to run up against obstacles in achieving one’s goal, then maybe it’s not “them”: maybe it’s you. I don’t mean to sound so harsh, but it’s absolutely true. And you may not even be doing something that would be considered to be “wrong”. You’re simply taking the wrong approach to achieving what it is that you desire to accomplish. In fact, I would venture to say that anything that we do not accomplish in life is due to us taking the wrong approach throughout the process. If you want a commitment from a love interest, but it’s not forthcoming, you’re doing something wrong (note: this does NOT mean to change the core of who you are in order to please someone else, but you do need to change the method by which you are operating). If you don’t have as much money as you need in order to live your desired lifestyle, then you’re doing something wrong – no one is oppressing you in any way; there is an action that you simply aren’t taking, and you need to figure out what that action is. If you aren’t satisfied with yourself in any way (either physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.), then you’re doing something wrong. It’s as simple as that.

Getting down on yourself for failing isn’t very productive because that will only result in getting more of what you don’t want. In the well-known book The Magic Of Thinking Big, there is a chapter that speaks on the topic of turning defeat into victory. The general gist is that one should not accept defeat because there is always a way to get what you want out of a situation – if you’re open-minded enough to change how you’re going about getting things done. If you’re willing to practice self-accountability for both your successes and your failures, that is an astronomical step in the direction of becoming a more fulfilled, accomplished, and successful being.

Life isn’t about having control over everything – it’s about controlling only that which is within your individual scope. The only thing within your scope is your individual approach.

Talk soon,
Liberty <3

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